Why Being Alone is Damaging Your Masculinity

We all know the lone wolf mentality. It sounds cool and awesome to go at it alone; as if it is a badass thing to do. However, when you think about it, it's kind of dumb to do it.

The image of the lone wolf syndrome may sound appealing and is often perpetuated through media such as movies and series. However, it makes men more powerless to think they have to go at it all alone. I have experienced how empowering it can be to connect with other men in a confidential environment in a regular setting and it helps so much to be able to share something heavy on your heart or mind or to be able to share something and get a different perspective on it instead of just going over it in your mind or trying to park it and not look at it.

It's so important to be able to do that and not to go through life alone, we're social beings and we're not meant to go alone all the time. Having a support network keeps you sane, helps you grow your awareness, and gets you farther in life. Wolves hunt in packs; the lone wolf is not going to last very long. So find your pack!

Another example that also resonates with the idea that you have to go at it alone, is the mythical story of entrepreneurs who worked tirelessly alone in their garage on their company before they became a success.

However, research showed that these entrepreneurs, such as Hewlett & Packard and Steve Jobs, only worked from their garage for a small part of their start-up phase. They already started on the company before they got into the garage and continued building their company long after they left the garage.

Furthermore, they were not lone wolves as they had an extensive network and support system around them. Research showed that successful entrepreneurs in general have an extensive social network which helps them in their success.

This proved to me when I read about it, that we as humans are social beings. And if you want to be successful, not just in business, but also in your personal life, you will want a supportive network. And a good way to get started is to find a men's circle or organize your own men's circle.

When joining the circle, it was good to hear everyone's story. Many shared they had missed a healthy masculine role model in their life. For some that meant a father who was present, but was unable to work with his emotions and trauma which resulted in some kind of abuse or a father who was very much passive and lacked masculine energy, or a father who wasn't present at all.

Only a few who were at the circle had had a healthy masculine role model in their life. And in all cases, it was their father. It was a relief to hear that, that also exists, as if I had almost forgotten you can have a healthy fatherly presence in your life and to see how that reflects back in the type of man.

Most of the men present had set for themselves a goal. For some, the goal was to get more in touch with their feminine energy. So to get more in touch with the heart, the emotions, with feelings, and being able to process and express that. For others, the goal was to embody the masculine more and develop more of the classical masculine traits.

It's awesome to see that both sides were represented and that as men it's possible to share that and to be aware of it and then come together so you can learn from each other because we all have something to share, and we all have embodied something.

Though this circle is only in its infancy stages, a men's circle gives men a support network wherein men can grow their awareness, hold each other accountable, learn from each other, and push each other to become better men.

Often in romantic relationships, our deepest shadows come to show. And you may realize you're not the man you thought you were. And this has all to do with how you were brought up.

The father and mother, and otherwise the primary caregivers, are the first example of how the masculine and the feminine should relate to each other as well as how we relate to the masculine and the feminine. So your relationship with your parents and the relationship between your parents have a direct influence on how you hold your relationships.

It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal this if you want to become a better man and achieve a better romantic relationship.

You are not broken. If you're a man, and you identify as a man, then in your core you are already a man. We only need to heal what is obstructing the expression, break the patterns and conditioning, and develop some traits.

This will allow you to get to your own authentic self.

The men's circle closed with an exercise that was aimed at getting in touch with anger. Men often suppress their anger as they're not allowed to express it since they were young or it doesn't feel safe otherwise to express it.

So one way to get in touch with anger again is by shouting. You shout as hard as you can. You can use swear words as well. You can go nuts! You can recall something that has been making you angry. You can shout in a pillow, or under water in for instance a bathtub, or if you don't have neighbors that are at home, you can shout directly at a wall. In addition, you can also punch a pillow.

Do this for a minute or two and liberate yourself.

One piece of advice is to shout from your lower abdomen and push it through your throat, instead of shouting from your vocal cords in your throat. Unless you like losing your voice.

So to summarize, it was good to see all these men opening up at this men's circle with the intention to become better men. To embody more of the masculine energy or more of the feminine energy and to actively seek and get out of their comfort zone. To seek companionship, brotherhood, and at the very least to connect and be open to the experience.