Healed And Wounded Masculine And Feminine Polarity

To better understand the dynamics between the masculine and feminine energy, which are mostly experienced within a relationship, consider that the masculine is the one who builds a house for the feminine.

The house has boundaries and structure which are the walls, the frame and the foundation, there is clarity as there are designated areas for sleeping, eating, and cooking, it provides safety, and warmth. It provides a place for the feminine to BE and thrive and take care of the kids. The feminine amplifies with love and dedication what the masculine provides. So that the house becomes a home, where the family can be nourished and recharged before going out in the world again. The masculine provides, the feminine nurtures.

However, before the feminine makes it a home, she will test whether it is safe. She will push against the walls to see if it all remains standing or if it starts crumbling down. And the feminine will keep testing even after it has already been made a home.

Testing is part of the feminine energy. The feminine seeks safety. And she does that by testing the boundaries of the masculine. Does the masculine partner uphold his decisions, values and principles?

An example of feminine testing is: “Oh please stay another 5 minutes”. Does the masculine indulge in staying or does he keep to his engagements and leave? This doesn’t mean that the masculine can never indulge in such a request, as there is room for the masculine to be spontaneous when he can afford it. However, if the masculine indulges in every request the feminine makes, and in doing so abandons his own boundaries and goals, then that is wounded masculinity and he has become a Mr. Nice Guy.

Testing is not the same as manipulation. Though wounded feminine and wounded masculine can both resort to manipulation.

When people speak of toxic femininity, it is just wounded femininity. And wounded feminine also tests, but since she has been wounded, the measures she seeks to feel safe are more destructive in nature.

A wounded feminine will also test the walls of the house, but instead of pushing against the walls to see if they are strong enough, she will set the walls on fire. Now the masculine does not tolerate people setting his house on fire. Not even the feminine. And therefore he will communicate his boundaries. And if those boundaries are not respected, the consequences will follow. If the masculine decides to fire-proof its walls, to make them strong enough for the wounded feminine, then that’s wounded masculinity. And the house will receive more destructive testing than just having walls on fire.

A healed feminine will speak from a desire. For instance how she would love if there would be a chandelier above the dining table. The wounded feminine approaches this from a place of critique and will criticize that there is no chandelier above the dining table. So you may wonder, how would a healed masculine handle critique? Well, does a King tolerate to be spoken to without respect?

Often wounded masculine and wounded feminine find each other in a relationship. Relationships are always a mirror. That means whatever happens in a relationship, says as much about you as it says about your partner. Patterns in the relationship dynamic are created because both take part in it.

So if the feminine sets the walls on fire and the masculine makes them fireproof. Both are wounded and need to heal the wounds. If the masculine acts like an insecure boy, and the feminine acts like a critical mother. Both are wounded and need to work on healing. It is said that if the man is not in his masculine frame, it pushes the woman in her masculine energy. Which is true. But a woman who experienced she can not trust the masculine and therefore seeks to control the masculine, can push the man into his feminine.

So both can push each other into the opposite energy. For both to be pushed into the opposite energy, both have a wound that enabled that dynamic. This also implies a very important premise about relationships. And that is that both are equally responsible for the relationship.

A conscious relationship between man and woman, requires that both parties take the responsibility for the relationship and do the work necessary to make it work. They are interested in understanding each other and ask questions instead of posing accusations. When someone gets triggered, they say sorry to their partner. As they realize a trigger is always something that comes from within.

To be in a relationship where both partners have a wound that shows up, does not make it a bad relationship. A relationship where one of the partners does not take the responsibility, does.