The Definition of Man

Over the last couple of decades, we've seen men become more feminine and women become more masculine. This development is a whole topic on its own because there are many dynamics involved in explaining this development. But it has led to the question, what does it mean to be a man these days? What is the definition of man?

For the last several years, more and more men and women have been telling other men how to be a man.

And I found it hard to accept when women were telling men how to be a man because women were never born as a man.

They will never know how it is to be a man. And men will never know how it is to be a woman.

So women ought not to tell other men how to be a man. However, they can express their desires, what they look for in a man, and what they long for in a man. It is an important distinction between expressing desires and telling a man how he should be.

And then you have other men telling men how to be a man.

And I did find there was more legitimacy in that, especially because in this modern society many men grow up without a healthy masculine role model.

But the question becomes then, what is a healthy masculine role model?

What Is A Healthy Masculine Role Model?

There is this one guy on social media that I followed, that has a huge following because he is regarded as a healthy masculine role model.

But I saw him at several parties for spiritual people and his energy was so dense and frustrated that women actually walked away from him.

So if you consider yourself a healthy masculine role model but you are at a party and women walk away from you, you might want to consider that as a sign that you are not a healthy masculine role model.

Nonetheless, a healthy masculine role model is what you decide it should be.

No woman, no other man, no institution, no government, no one can tell you how to be a man.

How To Decide On A Healthy Masculine Role Model?

To know how to decide on a healthy masculine role model, you need to know what it means to be a man. So how is man defined?


Quite simply, the definition of man, is what you define.

If you're a man, and you’re reading this, you define for yourself what it means to be a man.

No one can tell you how to be a man.

No woman, no other man, no institution, no government, no one can tell you how to be a man.

You have to define it for yourself.

If you choose that you are the only one who defines you, you will then arrive at the matter of what it means for you to be a man.

- What do you find important?
- What qualities do you feel the ultimate man in your eyes should embody?
- What qualities would you want to embody?
- What are your values?
- What are your principles?

And so if you agree that you and only you as a man can define what it means to be a man, then the responsibility also comes with asking yourself questions to find the answers to what you think is important in being a man.

So ask yourself what man you want to be for your partner, what father you would like to be, how do you want to relate to yourself and to the outer world?

And it is okay to not know the answer immediately.

You can get inspiration from different domains to seek what it means for you to be a man.

Testosterone

The first domain could be biology. As you may know, men and women are both run by hormones, and one of the most dominant hormones for men is testosterone.

You can find more information on testosterone in the article ‘The Attack on Testosterone and How to Counter it’.

However, when you look at the effects that testosterone has on your mood and mind, then those qualities that are inherent to testosterone are also inherently masculine.

When having testosterone at a healthy level, you’re more optimistic, energized, confident, and assertive. So you’re more willing to take risks and stand up for what you believe in.

You will have to lead yourself towards the higher version of yourself

The Traditional Male Role

Another domain to look for is traditional male values. That is to provide and protect. And to protect is part of providing, as you provide safety physically for your family.

The first thing that usually comes to mind as being a provider, is to provide financially. However, it has not so to do with money, but more what money can do as it will help provide in stability, safety, food, water, warmth, and shelter.

In addition, awakened men also provide emotional safety. Awakened men have become more aware of their emotions and can communicate what they need instead of shutting down. Not only will that give their partner and family more emotional safety, but the emotional safety will even be deepened because the man can now hold more space for his partner’s emotions.

Lastly, the man guides the family in the external world and the woman guides the family in the internal world, spiritually.

Values And Principles

Everyone has values and principles. Even if someone has no values and principles, then that in itself is a value and a principle.

The idea is that you define for yourself what you find important.

For instance, to hold true to your heart, to hold true to your integrity, to speak your heart and truth.


In case you seek to develop values and principles, you can read about worldwide societal issues. Or envision how you think the world ideally should be. And based on that you define your values and principles and integrate those in your daily life.

There should be a gap between your definition and the man you are today.

Leadership

Another important quality you can not ignore as it is a direct consequence of accepting that no one can tell you how to be a man. And that is leadership.


You will have to lead yourself towards the higher version of yourself that embodies the traits that are important to the man that you want to be.

One Last Value (Or Three)

So when defined what it means for you to be a man, there should be a gap between your definition and the man you are today.


One way to find out how far you are as a man is through relationships and especially romantic relationships as they bring out everything to the surface. Including the shadows.

And those same relationships can spur us to strive to become better every day. If that goes for you, then you can add another value to your list, and that is ambition and discipline.

And with accepting that you alone define what it means to be a man, you also take responsibility to lead yourself and become the man the world needs and at the same time you create the world you envision.

Jos Tijhuis

What would the world look like if all men were connected with their heart, their light and dark masculine, their emotions, and their mission which they would pursue with fierceness and fervor to protect and provide for their loved ones?

Want to find out? Find more info on coaching here.